bird

I go through phases with drawing. Sometimes I get out of the habit, and don't do any for ages... and after a break it always takes me ages to get back into it; to find that switch in my head, that realization I need to slow down, spend time looking...

Sometimes, to quieten the part of me that's whining 'I can't do it, I'm rubbish', to get back into that elusive mood of holding both the whole and the parts in my head at once, to stop being too precious (and getting half way then stopping because I'm scared of ruining it), I make myself do really fast drawings... 

I often do these drawings all on top of each other. I suppose I'm kind of forcing myself to spoil them, to not worry about the marks I've just made and move on, the next line, the next space...

Normally after about three of these I've slowed down enough, lost the rush and impatience I feel when a drawing looks mediocre and doesn't go the way I want it to fast enough. And I enjoy the feeling of freedom it gives me (you should try it)

But today I felt like something different. I felt slow already, perhaps because I'm tired (a 5 hour drive back from Edinburgh beginning at 1am on Wednesday and 3 hours sleep hasn't really done me any favors, although I have some pictures of the book exhibition to show you tomorrow :) ) Anyway, instead of slumping down in front of the telly I got my pencils out... 

A slow drawing, with lines drawn and corrected, curves and angles and lines, and thought, and satisfaction. I enjoy the focus, the absorption, the way the world disappears for a bit. The concentration. I almost chickened out of finishing though, nearly gave up without drawing the legs, I couldn't get the angle right. But I then I decided to make myself do that last little bit (because despite all the good intentions, there's really not much chance I'd ever go back if I left before the end. Many unfinished drawings hold testament to that, or they would, if they could escape from the dust under the bed. It wouldn't happen.) But its done now.

Probably I should've done another straight away, this one was probably the loosening up one. 

But I needed a cup of tea...