slowness

Not feeling very inspired today. Raining again. I did try to do some drawing last night but I only had rubbish paper and it just didn't go right. So I ripped up an old drawing I didn't like that happened to be on nice paper, and drew some bits on that. It was all going well until my boyfriend got back and we had an argument. Great. I hate arguing (who doesn't), I'm no good at it, I get all emotional and irrational and can't control my emotions. Ho hum.


Anyway, I was still feeling down as I got off the bus from work, so I walked the long way home through the woods. Slowly. The smell of the woods in the rain always comforts me. I wouldn't say it makes m feel happy, but nostalgic. I feel it grounds me, puts things into perspective. I walked slower and slower. I sometimes feel like if I stop walking I'll never start again. When I feel myself walking and thinking like that I often think of a book I once read, by one of my favourite authors; Milan Kundera. In his book Slowness he writes (and I'm sure he puts it better than this, but I can't find the quote so you'll have to read it...) that when walking to forget we walk quickly, but when walking to remember we slow down. The deeper in thought we are, the slower we go...


Sometimes it's nice to go slow, to think and follow the paths of memories. Sometimes it's like wading through treacle.