tuesday

One side and the other. Thinking about leaves falling, covering the earth in my garden. Covering my desk.

monday

Wind outside. Its been dark for hours already. Coal tits on the feeder out the window in the sunshine today, great tits, a robin, a nut hatch.


And I know I'm putting off sitting down and making a start. Knowing it's the hardest part doesn't make it any easier.

weeds

The making frenzy continues but I've been really trying to focus and not let myself get distracted. I currently at this moment only have three things on the go at once so I'm getting better... And I'm pushing myself to finish things when I start them. Not always successful (!) but I'm trying. Small steps.


So, I've had a few things waiting patiently to be listed in my shop for a month or so now, photos taken and everything (which is normally the stumbling block for me, getting the photos to look good and not blurry and washed out etc. Perhaps I need a new camera, the one I have is 10 years old... ) Anyway, these note books have drawings of weeds screen printed on the covers, weeds I dug up and then felt sorry for as they sat drying in the sun, so I drew them. I like these drawings. And I'm hoping this listing isn't just procrastination for the things I should be doing. I'm telling myself it's just finishing a job...

deadheading

Thank you for your kind words yesterday, it means lot to me to know I'm not just going crazy on my own. I've tried to slow down, or at least slow my brain down, and finish one thing at a time. And make sure I finish it too. Because jumping off on tangents is what gets me wound up I think, trying to hold too many things in my head at once (I think that's why I don't like chess either, or mental arithmetic, I think my brain works best in linear...)


Anyway, I've been out in the garden digging today. Turning over the soil. Trying not to slice worms. Teasing out roots. It's been sunny.

Sometimes I wish I didn't make things. I think about just coming in and sitting down on the sofa and not feeling like I should be doing something with my hands. Not thinking about if the shade of red on the box is wrong and perhaps it should be grey. Or if the dimensions are right at all. Right. And I should've cut that paper because now I'll have to fold it tomorrow and I won't have time to sew it. In fact now I've seen all the folded up bits in a pile on the floor I'd like to sew them all together into to maybe a big circle, look how the fold lines line up. But then I'd have to cut and sew them all again because I need them for something else too. And I have 10 of the same books to make (the covers half prepared) but theres a sewing pattern growing in my head and I try to experiment but mess it up and I should've been sewing the books. I try to do too many things at once and none of them turn out right because of it. Or they might be right but I don't feel its the best they could be. I wonder whats the point.

I know you're right to tell me to just get on with it. I hate the sound of myself.


Tell me you feel like this sometimes too?

friday

Words don't seem to come easy these days. Have some birds instead (they're better anyway)

sunday

Back to work tomorrow after two weeks away. A bit of sunday folding...