Do you know what? I feel ok today. I didn't think I would, it's been the weekend of degree shows. The weekend of 'can it really be a year since that was me?' I visited Leeds University show on Thursday night, the Leeds Met show and Leeds College of Art Foundation show last night, and I thought it would make me feel awful. Becase it's a year since I was part of that, I thought I would feel sad, nostalgic, envious and like I hadn't achieved anything; in my life or my work, like those graduating had it all ahead of them and I was last years news. Like I wanted to be back there. (I'm positive you know...)
But it didn't feel any of those things!
Perhaps I hadn't realised how much I have actually changed in the year since I left my degree show behind me... I actually felt good walking round those studios. Not because my work was any better than the work I saw (some was, some wasn't, who knows) but just because I'm not caught up in all that anymore. All that pressure and competition and the vague notion that even if you're making what you want, its also to please someone else, or at least your idea of what they expect of you, surrounded by others doing the same. And now, without even realising, I don't feel like that any more!
I think sometimes change happens so slowly that you don't notice at all. A gradual shift. And it's only when you find a marker of where you used to be that you realise the difference. Like last night.
And hopefully one day this little flower will be a purple chilli for my tea!